


Maps

by KunessiPhany



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, But I regret nothing, Cressi (mentioned), I Had To, I was drowning in angst, M/M, Ota tries to be a good bro, Piquessi (mentioned), Unrequited Love, angst is my jam, i dont know what happened, this took a life of its own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-07 14:12:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19086685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KunessiPhany/pseuds/KunessiPhany
Summary: wait, they don’t love you like I love you





	1. Maps

**Author's Note:**

> I had to, Leo didn’t wish Kun a happy birthday and I was drowning in angst.  
> Inspired by Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  
> So i'm back to fix it and I apparently posted this in the middle of an existential crisis, but I was really very angry and it shows. Either way, it was therapeutic so hope you enjoy either way? lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wait, they don't love you like i love you

Kun slowly closed the door as silently as he could.

He walked backwards until his back hit the blank space of wall in front of the dark hotel room door. The image of what he'd just seen was ingrained into the recesses of his mind, burned into the back of his eyelids.

Leo's hands were running through Neymar's messy, dyed hair. Neymar was clutching Leo's small body to his, his hands fisting the white t-shirt at his sides. The two of them were making out in his and Leo's hotel room.

Neymar and Messi were making out in their room.

Neymar and Messi were _making out_ in their room.

 _Neymar_ and _Messi_ were making out in their room.

Neymar and Messi were making out in _their_ room.

Sergio Agüero took a sudden, shuddering intake of breath before turning toward the elevator at the end of the hallway, taking off into a sprint.

 

* * *

  
Kun knew all about Messi and Piqué's brief _relationship_ back in the beginning of 2010, back when Gerard still hadn't met Shakira and Leo had just come out to his team. It had lasted a few months, three at most.  
But it'd still hurt.

He was pretty sure everyone on the Argentine and Spanish national teams knew about that certain piece of information because that was how it was to be a member of the national teams. Everyone knew everything there was to know about their teams, but it was exclusive to each country. Kun was pretty sure he knew nothing about the French or Belgian teams, even though Samir adored him and he was great friends with Kompany.

He was bound to find out, especially knowing how the Argentines were such gossips. Pipita and Toto Salvio had tried to keep it from him, but it was difficult to do so. He himself was in Spain, given that he was playing in Atlético Madrid at that time.

He'd been friends with Lionel for five years at the time. He'd been in love with Leo for about a year by then.

Kun never actually saw them together, thanks to the brevity of the relationship, but it hurt nonetheless. The bits and pieces of gossip he heard were enough for him.

He would never forget the nights spent staring at the ceiling of his bedroom, imagining the tall _culé_ hugging the tiny Rosarino, holding his hand, _kissing_ him.

Maybe he _was_ a masochist, after all.

 

* * *

  
Kun roomed with Leo during the 2010 World Cup, as was custom for them to do on international break. He had a hard time dealing with his feelings, what with Leo being at his side almost 24/7. But he pushed through, managed to brush all the teasing aside and disguise all the touching and kisses as part of his easygoing personality.

But sometimes he _wanted_ Leo to know. He wanted Leo to look at him and realize Kun was hopelessly head over heels for him and _do something_.

But he kept his mouth shut, because Leo was his best friend first. Their friendship was a thousand times more important, and they had the world cup to focus on.

Messi's feelings would always come before his own.

 

* * *

  
His feelings got harder to hide from then on, but to his good luck, everyone on the national team had gotten used to his touchy, flirtatious manner and thought nothing of it.

Except for Toto, who knew since Kun started freaking out about having feelings for his best friend.

There were times when Sergio wondered if Leo really didn't suspect anything, or maybe he did and refused to acknowledge it because he didn't feel the same.

Kun didn't know, he was too much of a coward to find out.

 

* * *

  
It was during the 2012/2013 season, after his transfer to Manchester City, after his divorce from Giannina, that Kun began to hear rumors from the Argentine grapevine about _Cressi_.

He didn't know how much of it was true, but he figured some of it had to be.

Leo clearly had a type, although Kun couldn't see how Messi's humility could live with Cristiano's arrogant nature. But it clearly wasn't his place to give his opinion on anything, and Leo had never asked for it. In fact, he and Leo could talk about just about anything except for Leo's rumored relationships.

Kun wasn't bitter, he really wasn't. David de Gea had also left Atlético to move to Manchester, though he joined Manchester United instead, at the same time as him. They grew very close, and though Kun at least didn't really talk about David, he was sure they were the talk of the Argentina and Spain national teams.

He and Messi clearly had similar tastes.

 

* * *

  
Kun's "relationship" with De Gea went nowhere, and though they remained really good friends, they'd stopped seeing each other months before rumors of Cressi's breakup reached him through Pablo.

Zaba was his closest friend on the team, given their time spent together in both Manchester and Buenos Aires. He was of the mindset that Kun deserved better than Lionel, because although Messi was the football world's god by then, Kun himself was otherworldly.

He tried to keep the gossip about Messi from Kun, much like Toto had done when they were younger, but it was difficult to do so, next to impossible and so Zaba had given up. Instead, he always made sure to tell Kun as soon as he found out about something so he wouldn't be caught off-guard. So he could get used to the idea of Leo being with someone else.

When Nicolas Otamendi transferred to the club in 2013, they became even closer than he and Zaba, given they understood each other better because they were the same age. Zaba became Kun's father figure, meanwhile Nico became his best friend. He shared the same mindset as Pablo and strived to help Kun get over Leo. When they realized it was impossible, Nico began to do the same as Zaba and tell him everything he heard about Leo before even Zaba could do it first.

 

* * *

  
Nico hadn't told Kun about Neymar and Messi.

But maybe he didn't know anything either.

Sergio already suspected it, though, hard not to see it coming from miles away with the manner in which they treated each other.

But it was the first time Kun had to see Leo with someone else firsthand.

And it hurt just as much as he always figured it would.

Once he got off of the elevator one floor beneath his and Leo's room, he quickly made his way to Nico's room. Nico was sharing with Maxi Rodriguez, but he wasn't there when Kun opened the door.

The shock had been keeping him from truly processing what he'd seen, but tears welled in his eyes as soon as he saw Nico lying on his bed with an animated movie on. Nico barely got to see his face before Kun was moving forward, burrowing under the covers and into Nico's arms.

Ota placed the television on mute, and Kun's soft sobs resounded in the quiet of the room.

"What happened?" Nico asked after a moment.

"Neymar's here."

 

* * *

  
Kun woke up a few hours later to the voice of Nico talking in a hushed tone.

"—e's _fine_ , he just fell aslee— Leo, no! I won't just wake him up 'cause you want him in the bed next to you!"

Kun slowly raised his head, swollen eyes looking around the room blearily. It was dark, the only source of light being the rays of the moon filtering through the open window. Maxi was sound asleep in his own bed.

" _Fuck_ you, Messi. Don't come looking for him," Nico said, sounding absolutely outraged, before he hung up. Sighing, he turned to find Kun watching him.

"What happened?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"Nothing. He's being an asshole. Let's go to sleep," Nico answered, climbing back into the bed.

"I guess Neymar left, huh?"

Otamendi didn't reply.

 

* * *

  
It wasn't just the fact that he was hopelessly in love with Leo, and it was the first time he was seeing him _kiss_ and _touch_ and _look at_ someone else the way he wished Leo would see him.

It was also the fact that it was in Argentina— the team, not the country— during international duty. During the little sacred time they had together. In his and Leo's room, the one they would never dare share with anyone else.

Up until now, Kun guessed.

 

* * *

  
When Kun walked into his room again the next morning, he was met with an irate Lionel Messi sitting on his bed, the one farthest from the door but from where it was easier to see the entrance. He seemed to be waiting for the Bonaerense.

"Where were you?" Leo demanded, standing as soon as he entered. Kun closed his eyes briefly, feeling tired and weary, even though he'd just woken up from a long sleep.

"With Ota," Kun muttered, making his way toward his suitcase.

"And why didn't you sleep here?"

Leo's voice was still demanding, but Kun didn't bother to turn and face him. He wasn't feeling very generous.

"I fell asleep watching a movie with him."

"Don't do that again," Leo said after a long moment. Kun felt his blood boil.

"Or what?" he sneered, turning to look at him with a menacing hint to his posture. Leo faltered for a moment, watching his best friend.

"I was worried about you."

Kun felt himself deflate. Because he was Lionel Messi and he was the love of Kun's life, and he would always get what he wanted.

"I was fine," Sergio muttered, pushing past Leo to walk toward the bathroom. "But okay."

 

* * *

  
It was a few days' later, after they'd won their semifinals match and before the final against Germany when the two Argentines were watching a movie together in their room. They were both lying on Kun's bed, though Leo had fallen asleep halfway through and was lying on his stomach beside him, only in football shorts, his head facing him.

Kun had given up on the movie, watching Leo almost as an afterthought, more out of habit than to really scrutinize him.

He couldn't stop thinking about Neymar and Messi. He could imagine why the Brazilian had flown to see Leo. It had been the night of their humiliating defeat against Germany, after all.

Why couldn't Leo see that Kun loved him more than the Brazilian, more than the Portuguese, more than the Spaniard? He'd been in love with him for  _so long_ it was getting pathetic, but he couldn't just will himself to stop. He just wished Leo would give him the opportunity to show him that nobody loved him like he did.

Kun lightly traced the lines of Leo's body with a little hesitation, the tiny blemishes and birthmarks on his pale skin, the little things he'd long-ago memorized. They were like the lines of the map to all of Kun's wishes and desires, Leo's skin the directions to Sergio's treasure chest: Lionel Messi's coveted love.

Leo's eyes opened slowly. Kun froze with his finger on a beauty mark on the back of his shoulder.

His eyes held absolutely no hint of sleep.

His own question was answered in that moment ( _Does he not know or maybe he did but refused to acknowledge it?_ ). It became startlingly clear that Leo did know, had known probably the whole time.

And if Kun had any kind of question about Leo's feelings toward him, it was quickly answered when Leo stood and made his way toward his own bed. He burrowed under the covers, turning his back on Kun.  
Sergio stood shakily.

"Leo—"

"No."

Kun grit his teeth, filled with a strange mixture of grief, anger, despair and resignation. With clenched fists, Sergio walked out of the hotel room.

 

* * *

  
Kun was still seething with the burn of rejection when Nico found him in the hotel gym an hour later. He'd run on the treadmill and lifted weights but nothing seemed to help.

He'd ended up putting on some boxing gloves and going at the sandbag in front of him.

He had taken boxing classes for a while, and he knew how therapeutic hitting something with all the strength he had in him could be.

Nicolas didn't say anything, merely held the sandbag between his hands to keep it still.

Kun was hit with a renewed sense of anger at the sight of his best friend, the one who only tried to protect him and look out for him despite his unwillingness to be cared for.

This is what Lionel Messi had reduced him to.

It was a few minutes later when Kun ran out of steam and dropped onto the mat, sweaty and worn out. Exhaustion of another kind creeped over him as Nicolas sat down beside him without saying anything.

There was silence for a few minutes before Kun gave in, his voice coming out in a broken whisper.

"Why doesn't he love me back?"

 

* * *

  
Everyone knew Lionel Messi was a god.

But the thing about gods was that they tended to be selfish and spoilt creatures, uncaring of mere mortals' trials and wishes, cold towards the rest and thinking only of themselves and their desires.

 

* * *

  
Leo banged on Nico and Maxi's hotel room at midnight that night. Kun was already fast asleep beside Otamendi, feeling rested, but Messi's knocking was insistent enough for Maxi to get up grumpily and open the door.

Disoriented, Kun sat up at the sudden light filtering the room. Leo marched into the room with all the self-righteousness of a person constantly praised as more than and pointed at him.

"Get up," he stated. "We're going to our room."

Nicolas was sitting up beside him at that point and tried to intervene. Lionel was furious, though, and was having none of it.

"Leo—"

"No," Leo cut him off. "You shut up and stay out of it. Kun, get up and let's go."

"Leo, what the he—"

"We already talked about this, Kun!" Leo cried. "Let's go."

Kun glanced at Nico and shook his head lightly, knowing his best friend would understand. Nico clenched his jaw but nodded minutely.

Sergio groggily stood up and followed Leo out the door.

Things were never the same after that.

 

* * *

 

 

 Kun stopped touching Lionel after that, became colder toward him, because Nico was right and it was time he saw to himself first.

It was hard at first, because when Leo noticed, he fought more for Kun's attention, fought to keep their friendship the way it had been at the beginning. But it was impossible now.

Their feelings had been acknowledged and there was no going back.

But Leo's emotions never stopped coming first, before his own, even years and years later, after months and weeks and days of his life looking into Leo's eyes and knowing he was still in love with someone who didn't even _see_ him.

 

* * *

  
Kun slowly closed the door as silently as he could.

He took a step back from it before sighing and making his way down the hallway, much like he had five years ago. Who cared if Neymar was in their room with Messi?

He had the Copa America to think about.

But the burn of disappointment and anger and resentment had settled deep within his bones long ago.


	2. All These Walking Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wish that they were you, walking next to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame this on [this post](https://jade-sanban.tumblr.com/post/185317629947).  
> Lyrics from All These Walking Thoughts by Roo Panes.

Nicolás Otamendi was caught off-guard when Kun opened the door to his room and burrowed into his side.

He instinctively wrapped his arms around the smaller Bonaerense and pulled him close, feeling his body shaking against his. Nico cautiously reached for the remote control and pressed the mute button, letting it drop on the covers again to hug Kun.

The sound of Kun's sobs filled the room, and Nico was eternally grateful Maxi wasn't present.

"What happened?" Nico asked after a few long moments of breathing in the scent of Sergio's shampoo. Kun was in control of himself, no longer sobbing but sniffling intermittently. Tears still wet his t-shirt.

"Neymar's here."

Nico's heart broke for Sergio.

* * *

 

Otamendi transferred from FC Porto to Manchester City FC in 2013.

He was already very friendly with the other two Argentines on the team, Sergio "Kun" Agüero and Pablo Zabaleta, thanks to their participations in the national team, but it was a different story altogether to spend so much time together. He quickly realized how close the two Bonaerenses were, but Nico himself became inseparable from Kun.

They spent all their time together, and it was at the beginning of 2014 that Sergio confessed his feelings for Lionel Messi.

Nico wasn't particularly surprised, but he was against it. Kun was an astounding person, the most genuine and kind person he had ever met, and he thought Kun deserved better than to stand around pining for the unrequited love of a player who was used to having everything and everyone at his beck and call.

Kun deserved better, and Nico was dead set on making him see that.

* * *

 

Nicolás constantly wondered to himself if Messi really did not know about Kun's feelings toward him. He had the appalling suspicion that Lionel did know.

Sergio wasn't particularly discreet in the way he acted around Leo, but Nico figured it was something everyone got used to. They'd all unanimously accepted that Kun was a different creature altogether when it came to Leo, but nobody was bothered by it or assumed anything.

Nico knew he wasn't the only person who knew. Pablo, Toto, and Pipita had all spent half their lives trying to spare Kun's feelings, after all.

But none of _them_ were really bothered by it the way he was.

Nico tried to be as supportive as possible, stood by the striker's side no matter what, and let him know everything he could about Leo.

* * *

 

Otamendi was as caught off-guard by the news about Neymar as Kun was.

Sure, there were the usual rumors but nothing had been confirmed by the Argentine grapevine and Nico had to believe that not even Masche knew about it this time. Nico had heard about Messi's previous relationships with Piqué and Cristiano Ronaldo in its' moment, but it had meant nothing to him at the time. Things were different now.

Kun was fast asleep, still in his arms, under the covers of his bed.

With a sigh, Nico slipped out from under the blanket and walked toward the window, taking his wet shirt off in the process. He was still staring at the dark night sky when Maxi entered the room, stopping short at the door at the sight of Sergio in the bed next to his. He looked around the room to find Nico standing at the window, shirtless, and opened his mouth.

Nothing came out, and Nico could only imagine what the Rosarino was thinking.

Maxi merely shook his head slightly, choosing not to comment, and closed his mouth. He closed the door behind him and walked toward his bed.

Nico remained where he was leaning against the windowpane, observing Sergio's profile.

* * *

 

Nicolás still remembered the celebrations for their Cup wins earlier that year vividly.

They'd won the English Football League Cup back in March. He and Kun had gotten so drunk that they spent the day after the celebration commiserating in Kun's house, nursing their hangovers together and groaning about their headaches to one another.

But it had been perfect.

The night had ended in a nightclub, Kun bouncing beside him with his drink in hand, singing the lyrics to some reggaeton song at the top of his lungs. They'd stumbled onto the street in the early hours of the morning, taking a cab to Kun's house where they drunkenly played FIFA until sleep overcame them.

And Nico had rarely felt happiness like that night he fell asleep on the floor of Kun's living room, Sergio mumbling in his sleep beside him.

The win of the English Premier League was more prominent in his mind. It'd been a turning point in his life.

Vinny was raising the silver-and-gold cup over their heads and Sergio was standing beside him, tiny in comparison to the dark-skinned Belgian. Nico looked down at the #10 at his side and Kun turned to look at him at the same time.

Sergio's eyes were always shining, but they were particularly bright with joy that day. They were soft and happy, sparkling just as much as his wide grin. His full lips were saying something, but Nico wasn't paying much attention, busy focusing on the soaring feeling in his chest, the pounding of his heart in his ears.

It was the moment Nicolás Otamendi realized he was in love with Kun.

* * *

 

Nico, Kun, and Maxi were all fast asleep when Nico´s phone began to ring.

It wasn't particularly late but he figured the day had been exhausting in its' own right. Nico immediately woke, his subconscious recognizing his ringtone, and silenced the phone to avoid waking his two teammates.

"Hello?" Nico answered in a hoarse voice without even glancing at the screen.

"Is Kun with you?"

Nicolás immediately recognized Messi's voice, standing from the bed and glancing at his teammates to check if they were still asleep. He made his way toward the window.

With a deep sigh, he answered, "Yes."

"Let me talk to him," Leo demanded, and Nico recognized the Barcelona player was in one of his moods. He tended to be a bit of a dick when he wanted something, given that he was used to having all of his whims fulfilled as soon as they were voiced.

"He's asleep, Leo," Nico whispered.

"What? Why hasn't he come back to the room? What's wrong?" Leo's voice went from temperamental to concerned, but Nico wasn't too keen on the idea of being woken just to be interrogated on his best friend's whereabouts. Especially when he was perfectly fine beside him.

"He's fine," he replied, voice terse. "He just fell asleep."

"Well, then, wake him up and tell him to come back."

Nicolás stared at the midnight sky in front of him incredulously. He couldn't quite comprehend the amount of selfishness in that one sentence.

"He's _fine_ , he just fell aslee—"

"Wake him up then!" Leo interjected, exasperating Nico further.

"Leo, no! I won't just wake him up 'cause you want him in the bed next to you!" the Man City defender snapped into the phone. There was silence for a few brief, tense moments.

"You're not winning any brownie points with him," Leo stated, voice cold and emotionless. "Letting him sleep in your bed doesn't mean he'll let you fuck him."

A rage so hot, it felt cold began to spread from his head to his toes, like a bucket of ice-cold water dumped on him, and his patience snapped.

" _Fuck_ you, Messi! Don't come looking for him!"

Nico hung up, left with the feeling of wanting to throw his phone at the wall or hit something.

"What happened?"

Nico spun around to find Kun staring at him blearily, looking adorably sleep-ruffled and disoriented in the moonlight.

"Nothing," Nicolás responded, suddenly feeling tired. "He's being an asshole. Let's go to sleep."

He climbed back into the bed beside Kun, who turned onto his stomach as though eager to listen to him. He didn't even seem fazed by what he'd heard.

"I guess Neymar left, huh?"

Nico knew it was too good to be true.

He turned to look at Kun, who had his face turned toward him, his arm tucked under his stomach. His eyes were closed, but they opened briefly at the feeling of his stare. They shone in the dim light of the moon's rays and he smiled before closing them again.

Nicolás sighed and turned to look at the ceiling.

* * *

 

He and Leo got along well, despite Nico's suspicions of him. Messi was, in general, a great guy.

But he was also a footballer with a great talent, world-renowned and worshipped as a god. It made him a very private person paired with his own reserved nature. It made him humble and thankful.

But it also made him selfish and sanctimonious, content to have his best friend trailing after him like a lovesick puppy as long as he had someone who knew _him_ , Leo and not _Messi_ , and still loved him and all his flaws, because of them and not in spite of.

Kun was selfish, too, in his own right, to want Nico at his side the way he did, unconditionally.

But the situation was also different. Because Sergio didn't know Nicolás was in love with him. But Lionel certainly seemed to know everything.

* * *

 

Messi called Otamendi approximately forty-five minutes after Kun had left their bedroom and asked him to look for the Bonaerense. His voice was strangely detached and he gave no indication of why Kun had disappeared or any other kind of explanation.

Nico found him in the hotel gym, taking out his obvious frustrations on the punching bag. He seemed tired but having Nico face to face caused him to lash out again. Nico only held onto the black bag.

Kun ran out of steam and dropped onto the mat after a few moments. Tears were welling up in his eyes.

Nico sat down beside him and waited in silence, knowing Kun didn't need prompting to talk and would let him know what happened in his own time.

His brown eyes were dull, sparkling with tears but not letting them spill. He looked _exhausted_ , and the laugh lines around his lips looked out of place on an expression so somber. Long moments passed by in silence, one tear tracking its way down the side of his cheekbone.

"Why doesn't he love me back?"

Nico took a sudden, sharp breath.

So Kun had told him.

Nico wished he had the guts to do the same.

* * *

 

He'd thought about it.

He'd thought about telling Sergio what he felt for him a lot of times before, fantasized about what would happen, what his reaction would be.

Sometimes he imagined Kun would smile, realize he felt the same as though waking from a dream, and they would be happy together, happy playing side by side and spending their days with each other. Sometimes he imagined Kun would tilt his head in thought, tell him he was in love with Messi still but willing to give them a try.

But most times, he imagined Kun would look at him sadly, the look in his eyes maddeningly close to pity, and shake his head. He figured the imaginary "I don't love you" was easier to swallow than the real one.

* * *

 

All three Argentine players were fast asleep when there was a sudden knocking at the door. Nobody moved to open the door and Maxi got tired of waiting for the other two to realize _someone was banging on their door at 1 am_.

When Maxi opened the door, he was pushed aside by a small and very angry Lionel Messi.

Kun sat up at the light that landed on their faces from the hallway, completely disoriented. Nico looked around the room, trying to get his bearings straight. He missed Messi's words as a consequence, but he could figure out pretty quickly what was happening.

Lionel Messi knew how to make what he wanted very clear.

"Leo—"

"No," the Barcelona player cut him off, tone accusing and angry. "You shut up and stay out of it. Kun, get up and let's go."

Nico was so taken aback that he was left speechless.

"Leo, what the he—"

Maxi was watching the scene unfold with wide eyes, looking from Kun to Leo and back. He looked completely lost but unwilling to get involved, meeting Nico's eyes and narrowing them as some kind of comprehension dawned on him.

"We already talked about this, Kun! Let's go."

Kun hesitated at Messi's words, looking weary and defeated in the wake of his tantrum. Nico continued to stare at him intensely, willing him in his mind not to listen to the Rosarino, to not let him have this.

But when their eyes met, Nico knew it was a lost cause.

Kun shook his head and Nico clenched his jaw, his hands tightening into fists as he moved his head in a minute nod. He watched in anger and resignation as Kun stood and followed Lionel out of the room.

* * *

 

Nico could understand Messi's bitter attitude toward him because he knew what it was like, too. He knew what it was like to feel as though they were in an eternal battle for Kun's easy affection, for his bright smiles, for his loud laughter, for his time.

But he also couldn't help feeling smug, satisfied that it was the football deity's turn to feel as though he was losing Kun to the other Argentine when Nico had always felt like the second choice.

It was satisfying to see Messi finally see him as a threat and no longer as an unimportant nuisance.

* * *

 

Nicolás Otamendi was caught off-guard when Kun opened the door to his room and burrowed into his side.

It was instinct now to hug the Bonaerense closer.

Nico had been scrolling through Instagram so there was silence in the room. He was rooming with Paulo Dybala this time around for the Copa America, but he was out.

Neither Man City player said a word, knowing why Kun was in Nico's arms again.

Nicolás imagined telling Kun the truth, how much he loved him and what he would do for him, how much he already _had_ gone through for him, in the silence of the room, knowing he couldn't dare. It'd always been Kun first, always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not the direction I was going for when I first wrote this but I guess it kind of had those vibes to it so idk it made sense to me. Especially since atm, I feel like Kun and Ota are closer than Kunessi :(  
> There will be a third part in Messi's side as soon as I get around to writing it lol  
> Hope you enjoyed and feedback would be appreciated.


	3. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my heart was breaking by the shore and i couldn't give you anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend to you [this post](https://blaugrana-wbu.tumblr.com/post/185023578852/these-two).
> 
> Lyrics from Sorry by Aquilo.
> 
> I really hope you guys like this, because it is what I was going for, but my stories seem to write themselves. Enjoy!

Messi had to smother the trepidation in his chest as he watched Neymar open the door to his hotel room.

His blonde-dyed hair was even more messy than usual, as though he'd spent a long time running his hands through it. His eyes were red-rimmed, bronze skin pale, and he looked a disaster in general.

Lionel couldn't help it, he opened his arms for the Brazilian. Neymar hesitated for a moment before he threw the door shut and lurched toward him, crashing his lips onto the Argentine's. Leo was caught off-guard for a moment but responded quickly enough.

He knew how Neymar worked, after all, had been with him for almost a year by then. Leo knew Neymar was a physical guy, knew he found comfort in the touch of someone else. He knew Neymar would take solace in his lips, find peace in the softness of his skin, seek reassurance in between his legs.

Leo would whisper into his ear, console him, and take what he was given and only what was given.

Because that's how Neymar da Silva worked.

* * *

 

Lionel Messi had known how _easy_ it would be for him to fall in love with Neymar from the moment they met. Neymar had given him that smile, that kind and innocent smile that was perfect teeth peeking out from full, rosy lips and Messi knew he had to be careful. His green eyes were squinting, sparkling with sincere joy, and Leo was strongly reminded of Sergio Agüero.

It'd been awkward the first couple of weeks for Leo. Neymar still had him on a pedestal and was constantly seeking him out, still treating him like a deity and not a regular person. The more time spent together, though, the 21-year-old seemed to realize that Leo was like him. He had a talent few people ever would, obviously, but he had flaws to go with his qualities and made mistakes as often as not.

It was probably a month after Neymar's arrival that Leo was shown another side of him.

They were alone in the locker room, having stayed behind on the pitch so Leo could give Neymar some tips. Everyone else had showered and were long-gone.

They were both ready, as Leo was giving Neymar a ride to his apartment, and making their way out of the locker room. Ney's hair was still wet, his fringe hanging on his forehead. They were joking about Leo's nonexistent love life, his mistress being football.

"Well, you're no better, Ney!" Leo exclaimed. Neymar gave him a sly glance from the corner of his eye, his smile turning into a smirk, full lips tempting.

"You'd be surprised," he replied, voice slow and gravelly. Leo suddenly realized the Brazilian might not be as naive as he appeared. "Maybe you'll find out someday."

Leo stopped in his tracks. Neymar didn't and continued to make his way out of the room. And Messi realized he was in trouble, was maybe already too far gone.

* * *

 

Leo found out about Kun's feelings for him near the end of the 2012/2013 season.

Messi had had his suspicions about it, often found himself daydreaming about what could be. Kun was his best friend, after all. He was an amazing person, the most genuine he had ever met, and handsome as hell to boot.

They looked good together. Lionel had seen pictures of the two together, and Kun's touchy personality made sure to attach him to the Rosarino's side.

And Kun loved him— whether platonically or not was up for debate— because he'd known Leo before he was _Messi_ , before he was _D10S_. They hadn't even recognized each other the day they met, and the basis of their friendship stemmed from much more than just football and the respect or admiration they had for each other's skills.

Kun had known him for eight years, put up with his bipolar moods and temper tantrums and stuck by his side through thick and thin.

They could have been _everything_ together.

* * *

 

After Neymar left, after Leo had the sheets on his bed changed, after he took a shower and erased the scent of sweat and sex and Neymar from his skin, Messi sat down on his bed and turned on the television to await the return of his best friend.

Hours seemed to slowly tick by and Lionel tried to call the Bonaerense, only to realize Kun had left his phone on the nightstand next to his bed. With a groan, Messi resigned himself to keep waiting for Kun, wondering where he could possibly be with curfew crawling closer.

It was another hour later when Messi grit his teeth and called the number on his phone. Had it been any other day, he would have probably fallen asleep or at least begun to nod off in his wait. Had it been any other time when Leo didn't immediately realize where Kun was, _who_ Sergio was with, and swallowed his pride with effort to call Kun's Man City teammate.

"Hello?"

"Is Kun with you?" Leo asked in a terse voice. There was the sound of rustling, as though Otamendi was getting up from a bed, and a deep sigh. Leo clenched his jaw tighter.

"Yes."

"Let me talk to him."

"He's asleep, Leo," Nicolas whispered into the phone, and Leo felt the rage inside of him slowly climbing higher. What _the fuck_ was Kun doing sleeping in Nicolás Otamendi's room? Theirs' rooming together was a long-withstanding tradition, and neither ever slept in another room, not even when they were fighting. Unless something was wrong…

"What? Why hasn't he come back to the room? What's wrong?"

"He's fine," Ota answered, the tone of his voice tense. Leo could sense Otamendi was getting tired of his demands, patience wearing thin but Messi's patience had never even _existed_ to begin with. "He just fell asleep."

"Well, then, wake him up and tell him to come back," Leo stated, voice matter-of-fact yet growing even colder.

"He's _fine_ , he just fell aslee—"

"Wake him up, then!" Leo interrupted, now thoroughly annoyed with the Bonaerense.

"Leo, no! I won't just wake him up 'cause you want him in the bed next to you!" Otamendi's voice was hushed as he said it, but the tone in it made his thoughts very clear. Leo could recognize the judgement of his apparent selfishness in the way he'd phrased the sentence.

There was silence, and in those few seconds of quiet, everything came back to Leo. He thought of all the pictures of Kun and Ota together, the goal celebrations, the hugs, the kisses, the jokes and laughter and secret affectionate smiles, all the things that had been only _Leo's_ to share with Kun until Otamendi came along with his bright smile and easy acceptance of all that was _Kun_.

Because if anything was clear to him, it was that Nicolás wanted Sergio the way Sergio wanted Leo.

Rage blinded him for a moment at the reminder of the way Otamendi had barged into his and Kun's lives, leaving his mouth like the venom of a spitting cobra.

"You're not winning any brownie points with him. Letting him sleep in your bed doesn't mean he'll let you fuck him."

Leo felt like he'd crossed a line, but his pride refused to regret the words he'd said, the truth he felt in them.

" _Fuck_ you, Messi! Don't come looking for him!"

Nicolás hung up, and Messi threw his phone at the wall.

* * *

 

When Neymar and Leo had first slept together, Messi had second-guessed himself a lot. He couldn't bring himself to regret it, but he _was_ certain that Neymar's sexual feelings for him resulted from the hero-worship he still felt for him.

Neymar quickly let him know it wasn't the case.

The Brazilian wasn't as innocent as he looked.

Because he wanted nothing to do with Leo in the romantic sense, in the way of a relationship. Neymar was young, and he was having fun and enjoying his life. All he wanted from Leo was a fuck buddy.

And Leo agreed because that, he could do. Or so he thought.

* * *

 

It had been an accident, Messi hadn't known what he would be walking into when he entered the Barcelona locker room quietly.

Javier Mascherano was sitting on one of the benches in the locker room by himself, apparently FaceTiming or Skyping someone on his iPhone, his back toward the door. Leo had been practicing his free kicks on the pitch, and it seemed Masche was the only one left.

"—o, we can't tell him," Javi was saying, sounding exasperated.

"No, you won't tell him shit," a familiar voice replied from the speaker, and Leo was surprised to find he recognized the voice as Pablo Zabaleta.

" _We_ will tell him," another voice interjected. Leo had to wrack through his memory to realize that the voice belonged to Eduardo Salvio.

"What could you _possibly_ gain from telling Kun that Leo and Cristiano broke up?" Masche's voice was sounding more and more exasperated at his NT teammates, and he was gesturing with one hand.

"He's going to find out eventually!" Eduardo retorted.

"Exactly, so why—?"

"Look," Pablo cut in. "Kun is in love with Leo. Has been for a long time. Hiding shit from him to spare his feelings? Never worked. It's better to tell him what's going o—"

Leo backed out of the open doorway, stepping back until he hit a wall.

_Kun is in love with Leo_.

He could feel all his fantasies come alive before his very eyes— the dates, the holding hands, the kisses— because Kun was in love with him.

* * *

 

When Leo woke up, the bed next to him was still empty. He'd had a restless sleep, what with the rage still boiling just under his skin and the absence of Kun next to him, or even just on the bed beside his.

He got up and took a shower, quietly simmering in the burn of his own anger. He sat on the edge of the bed to wait until Sergio opened the door and entered the room.

Kun looked tired and his eyes seemed to be swollen.

"Where were you?" Lionel demanded, standing from the bed and making his way toward the Bonaerense. Leo would never admit to it, but despite the fact that he was in love with Neymar, he still considered Kun to be _his_. The same way he pined for Neymar's love in silence, but still considered a large part of himself to belong to Kun.

"With Ota," Kun answered, making his way past Leo with his head bowed.

"And why didn't you sleep here?"

"I fell asleep watching a movie with him," Kun said, bent over his suitcase. His voice was low, as though he were too tired to deal with him, and he refused to face the Rosarino. Something was wrong.

Leo hesitated between touching Kun or giving him space.

With a sigh, he settled on saying, "Don't do that again."

"Or what?" Kun demanded, turning toward him with a curled lip. Leo squashed the urge to take a step back, taken aback at his best friend's response.

"I was worried about you."

Leo's voice was little more than a murmur, unintentionally because he'd meant to sound stronger. Instead, he just sounded vulnerable.

Kun bowed his head again with a deep sigh, his straight posture faltering. Leo wondered what had happened to him and why he was refusing to speak with him. Kun pushed past him on his way to the bathroom as he spoke and conceded to him.

"I was fine, but okay."

He sounded _exhausted_.

* * *

 

Messi had had his first official relationship with Gerard Piqué back in 2010. It'd been a brief affair, a few months.

It'd been fun while it lasted, but he and Geri mutually agreed that they had confused their friendship for something more. He would go on to meet Shakira a couple of months later.

Messi didn't really have any other relationships for two years, until he started to spend more and more time with Cristiano Ronaldo in 2012. Rumors quickly spread, the same way bits and pieces of gossip about Kun's relationship with David de Gea reached him every now and then. Leo had the suspicion that Masche avoided talking about them, though, as if he didn't want Leo think too much about them.

Regardless of the rumors about their dating, Leo and Cristiano weren't official until September 2012. They only lasted about half a year, thanks to Cristiano's overbearing jealousy and, quite honestly, his insecurities. They remained on friendly terms, despite everything, and Cris would meet James Rodriguez the following year, right after the World Cup.

But he'd learned quite a bit about himself from that relationship, had learned more about what he wanted.

He wanted something like what he had with Kun.

* * *

 

Messi stirred on the bed beside Kun, lying on his stomach and listening to the action movie playing with his eyes closed. He'd felt so tired, he'd just given into the urge to take a nap.

He remained conscious, though he didn't open his eyes. It felt good to just lie on the bed with eyes closed, without worrying about anything, as serene as if he were floating on his back in a pool of clear water.

Leo felt Kun lean over him and almost startled when he felt Kun's finger come into contact with his shoulder blade lightly, making sure not to wake him. Kun began to trace random figures on his skin, the pressure as light as if he were using his fingernails instead of his skin.

Lionel felt a lump form in his throat, felt the urge to cry in the burn on the bridge of his nose.

Kun deserved so much more.

Leo opened his eyes and stared at Kun's frozen figure. His finger was on one of the bigger freckles on the back of his shoulder. His face looked terrified, the fear in his big brown eyes apparent and Messi felt his heart break for his best friend.

He refused to do that to Kun. He refused to become to Sergio what Neymar was to him.

Leo stood and made his way toward his own bed, burrowing under the covers even though he was no longer tired. He gave Kun his back, unable to look at his broken expression anymore, unwilling to think about the fact that he was giving his back on what he'd wanted for so long before Neymar came along. He turned away what a large part of him still wanted, because he couldn't do it anymore.

It wouldn't be what Leo had originally wanted.

"Leo—"

"No," Leo cut him off, voice cold.

No, Lionel couldn't be with him. No, he couldn't be his tormentor like that, his prosecutor the way Neymar had become his. No, he couldn't stop loving Neymar. No, he couldn't hurt Kun like that.

No, it was too late.

Kun didn't slam the door when he left, and somehow, that was worse.

* * *

 

When the two friends met in June for their international matches, including the WC Qualifiers and a friendly against Guatemala, everything was fine between them. They flirted lightly, and the only thing Leo felt was _hope_.

When they met again in September, it was clear something had changed.

Leo now had Neymar, had no hopes for a future with Kun, had no desire for it anymore. And it became obvious to Kun, who had a new best friend to hold him in Nicolás Otamendi.

And still, Leo wanted Kun by _his_ side, celebrating goals assisted by one another together. The way it'd always been, the way it always would be.

But the distance only grew between them, with Leo's absences from the remaining Qualifiers, with Otamendi's arrival to the team for their friendlies in November. Messi wasn't even present and he knew, somehow, that he was losing Kun.

* * *

 

Lionel grit his teeth and called the number on his screen beneath the name _Nicolás Ota_.

"He's not with me," Nicolás's rough voice greeted him. Leo didn't know what to feel at the Bonaerense's words, but it was a strange mixture of relief and concern that washed over him.

"Then, go find him," Leo replied. He tampered down the urge to facepalm himself. He knew he had to fix the problems he had with Otamendi for the sake of the team, even if he didn't want to and it wouldn't be sincere, and this was not the way to go about doing it.

"What? Go look for him yourself!" Ota's voice was indignant in his ear.

"I— I can't," Leo hesitated, stammering for a moment, his tone taking on a panicking edge. He could feel the reluctance on Otamendi´s part as well.

"Why?"

"Just— find him," Leo replied. "Please."

It hurt to admit that Sergio needed Nicolás more than he needed Leo in that moment, that he was the one that'd hurt him and it was Nicolás's turn to pick up the pieces of what Leo had broken.

He hung up.

* * *

 

Leo was, by nature, an egotistical creature.

He'd always had this certain _charm_ that made people give into his every whim with a small smile and the widening of his big, brown doe eyes. He became accustomed to that, to getting what he wanted, and if a smile didn't work, a temper tantrum surely did, a little manipulation came a long way.

Messi was, generally, a humble guy, but the self-awareness of his personality never changed.

And he admitted to it, recognized his flaws and accepted them.

And it was this facet of his personality that refused to let go of Kun, to acknowledge that Sergio wasn't _his_ , hadn't been since Leo turned to Neymar da Silva with a hopeful smile and his heart outstretched in his hands.

He refused to realize that no matter how much he wished he belonged more to _Kun_ than he did to _Neymar_ , that wasn't how it was.

It couldn't be. Because Nicolás loved Kun, and Kun loved Leo, and Leo loved Neymar, but Neymar didn't love Leo.

Messi was constantly praised as a god, the football world's record-breaking deity. And he did feel like one when he was on the pitch, when he dribbled past four or five defenders and managed to score, when Kun turned to look at him with the smile he reserved for him, when Neymar ran into his arms, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek.

But Neymar also made him feel vulnerable.

If Messi was a god, he was a weak one. Maybe Neymar was Ares and he was more like Aphrodite, with unmentionable power but her greatest weakness in the love she held for the god of war. And did that make Kun Hephaestus, the unwilling participant in a love triangle Aphrodite forced him to be a part of?

* * *

 

No, Leo was _not_ going to let Kun do that to them, to their friendship.

Messi couldn't be with him, but that didn't mean Leo didn't love him.

Leo banged on the door of Nicolás Otamendi and Maxi Rodriguez's hotel room with all the self-righteousness of the god he was proclaimed to be, until Maxi opened the door.

Leo strode past him, glad to see that his racket had woken up the other two inhabitants, and pointed at his best friend.

"Get up," he stated. "We're going to our room."

Nicolás, who was also sitting up at that point, cut in with a "Leo—"

But Messi was fed up of Nicolás Otamendi's interference in his and Kun's friendship, was _sick and tired_ of feeling like he had to prove he deserved Kun's friendship despite everything. He was _done_ feeling like the two of them were in a tug-of-war with Sergio in the middle, having to fight for Kun's attention and love.

"No. You shut up and stay out of it. Kun, get up and let's go."

Kun looked bleary and confused, unable to process yet what was going on, but the look on his face when Leo cut Ota off was incredulous.

"Leo, what the he—"

"We already talked about this, Kun!" Leo cried. "Let's go."

And he knew he was cheating, because he was preying on the guilt Kun would surely feel at his words. But he wasn't above it, not anymore.

Leo watched the brief interaction between the two Man City players but refused to acknowledge it. Because he was winning and Kun was leaving with him, to _their_ room, with _his_ best friend.

_"Leo—"_

_"No."_

No, he couldn't let him go.

* * *

 

Neymar ended things with Leo in 2017, with the announcement of his transfer to PSG.

Messi's heart had been broken long ago— by Neymar himself, by Kun, by Otamendi, by Cristiano and James— but he still managed to feel it shatter a little more when Ney took his face in his hands and kissed his forehead and whispered those words with the utmost sincerity sparkling in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, for everything. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. I love Philippe, I'm going to be with him. I'm sorry."

And the Brazilian left, taking a piece of Leo with him.

Lionel thought of Kun, thought of that night before their heart-shattering loss to Germany in the WC 2014, thought of his face when Messi broke his heart the way Neymar just had, and wept.

* * *

 

It was during training for the Copa America 2019, days after Neymar's visit, when Kun scored and, instead of looking for Messi to smile and celebrate his goal, his instinct was to find Nicolás Otamendi's reassuring grin that Leo realized it was now or never.

" _Bien hecho, Kunnie_!" Otamendi congratulated Kun and they hugged, and Leo was left feeling like a stranger on the outside looking in.

He had watched the two Cityzens grow even closer over the years, neglecting his friendship with Kun in pursuit of Neymar's love, but the Bonaerenses' friendship never went anywhere. Leo had lain entire nights awake staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the darkness, wondering whether Kun still loved him, whether they still had a chance now that Neymar was out of the picture, now that Leo realized he was better off without the Brazilian.

It was that night, when they were watching a movie sat side-by-side, when they were joking about their similarities to the characters on the screen, that Messi turned his face and kissed Kun. He didn't respond at first, almost frozen in shock by the sheer enormity of what was happening, until he tentatively kissed him back.

Leo could feel a great amount of hesitation in all of Kun's actions, as though he wanted to touch him but was holding himself back.

When Messi pulled back, he knew he was right. He was no longer what Kun wanted.

There was silence for a few moments as they searched each other's expressions.

"I can't do this," Kun finally said in a broken whisper. "It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that you didn't want me. I can't. Not anymore."

Leo winced at the similarity Kun's words held to Neymar's goodbye and nodded. Kun's eyes were shining with tears.

"I think I love someone else now."

Leo nodded again, refusing to say anything because he had _no idea_ what would come out of his mouth if he opened it, and pulled Kun into a hug. Sergio let himself be embraced, reluctantly returning the gesture, and Leo realized he could feel the pounding of his heart.

Kun stood and left the room after a few moments.

And just like that, Ares had left Aphrodite and Aphrodite had lost Hephaestus, condemned to watch him be happy with Aglaia.

* * *

 

It was a few days later when Lionel walked into the locker room to find Nicolás Otamendi and Ángel Di María talking, the only two left in there.

"Yeah, we're together now and…" Otamendi´s voice trailed off when he caught sight of Messi. The two of them stood staring at one another in silence until Ángel cleared his throat.

"I think I'm gonna…"

But neither paid attention to the PSG player as he cautiously made his way out of the locker room.

Nicolás's chin tilted up defiantly and Leo closed the distance between them.

"I know you make him happy," Leo said, choosing to speak first since the Premier League player didn't seem keen on doing it. "Just don't hurt him."

Lionel could practically _see_ the way Ota struggled not to call him out on his hypocrisy and nodded. He seemed to fight an internal battle for a moment before he bowed his head briefly.

"Thank you," he murmured. "And I hope you find happiness, too."

Leo and Nicolás looked deep into each other's eyes for a moment, recognizing the sincerity in their words. Leo knew Nicolás loved Sergio the way he deserved to be, and Nico knew Leo loved Sergio enough to want his happiness above all else.

Otamendi nodded once and left the room.

* * *

 

Messi had to smother the trepidation in his chest as he watched Neymar open the door to his hotel room.

They stood a distance apart, staring at each other. Leo realized, with great relief, that he no longer felt the need to comfort Neymar, no longer felt the need to put his feelings above his own.

Leo had matured in their time spent apart, and so had Neymar.

They greeted each other with a hug and kiss on the cheek. The two of them made their way toward the window, where they stared out at the dark knight sky, and talked about the Copa America and Barcelona and Neymar's injury and his engagement to Coutinho.

They looked at each other when Neymar showed him the ring and smiled, because it was okay. They were okay, and Leo would be okay with Sergio, too, and with Otamendi.

No matter what, they would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was worth it, and I really hope I transmitted his feelings well enough.
> 
> Onto other things, I guess!
> 
> Feedback is great, very appreciated, and ailoviu all!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that was good enough lol
> 
> I wanna post the second part to for blue skies and then start a collection of one shots based on one of my fave albums.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kunessiphany).


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